Feminine Bombast

The future of Team Wooly Mammoth: the unstoppable Katiki Forrest.

   In a supreme display of WOOLY force not witnessed since the early days of the Pleistocene period when Mammoths roamed freely across vast tundras while homosapiens were still grovelling in caves, Katiki Forrest rampaged to victory on Saturday in the quaint village known as Copperas Cove.  

   Forrest was aided on her journey to glory by the hard work of Jessica Russell who managed an 8th place finish after dutifully helping to annihilate the women's field during a brutally hot and windy race. 

   The race played out pretty much as most Texas races do when Team Wooly Mammoth is present- the field was at once terrified and intrigued by the savage power which Forrest and Russell displayed along their march to victory. 

    Russell utilized this "shock and awe" effect to perfection by going to the front of the pack early to ride any naysayers into submission.  The intimidation worked as Forrest joined her at the front of the whittled down field and proceeded to finish everyone else off, with the exception of one lone competitor.   And Forrest had plans for her.

Forrest trained in the same extreme conditions she was likely to see at Copperas Cove, and it paid off.

   As the finish line approached, the Wooly Mammoth newcomer took the win in style, narrowly edging out her rival on the line.  "Winning on a solo break is overrated, I wanted to give the fans something to remember... so I let that Rockwall Cycling rider tag along for the last few miles, but when it came down to the sprint," Forrest said, "I wasn't going to be denied... and she knew it."    

  Once she crossed the line Forrest gestured first to the Mammoth on her immaculate jersey, and then slapped her sculpted quads before pointing skyward.  "I just want Betty's femur to know how much it's missed.  We could have used its help today," she said, referring to teammate Betty Hodges' broken femur which prematurely ended her season.  

   Hodges injured her femur while stagediving at a Chastity concert in Budapest last month during a Kenny Loggins cover at the close of an epic three hour set.   

  Once she had dedicated the win to Hodges' femur, Forrest quickly ducked the doping control and headed back to the motherland with her trophy strapped to the top of the team car and the prize winnings overflowing the trunk.